Secrets and Lies 2 (A Ferro Family Serial) Read online

  Matt’s an asshole. It makes me glance at Carter who is the opposite of Matt in every way. I don’t know what I think about Carter. It’s like we’re friends with a spark of something else. Sometimes I feel a pull toward him, but it’s so small that it would be simpler for us both if I couldn’t feel anything.

  Nathan on the other hand, well, I know I’m drawn to him. I wish he wasn’t such an asshole. I can’t believe he painted the canvas I was staring at—what were the odds that the one piece that held my attention for more than five seconds was created by him?

  My thoughts return to my mother and my ex. I try to maintain small talk with Carter, but he knows something has me on edge.

  Carter clears his throat before brushing the back of my hand with his. “What’s going on, Kerry? What are you thinking?”

  Offering a little smile, I shrug. “Why do I have to be thinking anything? Can’t a girl be quiet, pensive, and all Gandhi-like?”

  He laughs and shakes his head. Pushing his black hair out of his face, he says, “Yeah, no offense, but silence from you doesn’t mean meditation. You’re thinking something.” He bumps his shoulder against mine. “Care to share?” I smile over at him and kick a rock, shaking my head. He tries again. “So it has something to do with your Mom?”

  Making a face, I yell, “Hell, no! I won’t let her ruin the rest of my night. I swear, between her and Matt—” I bite my tongue, cutting off that sentence before my ears can hear it out loud. What does it mean when your boyfriend dumps you for your mom? What the fuckery is that?

  I stop walking and look up at him. When he sees the look on my face, his smile vanishes. I decide to just say it. “My mom just left my Dad for my ex boyfriend.”

  “Ouch.” I nod and look away, folding my arms against my chest. Carter gently takes my hand, squeezes, and lets go. “Is there anything I can do? Dumb guy question, but since I have nuts I’m obliged to ask.”

  A half-laugh escapes my throat and the corner of my mouth twitches. “Carter, what’s wrong with me? Why’d he leave me? They both did. The guy from the bar didn’t even know me, but I wasn’t good enough for him either.”

  Carter inhales deeply and looks up at the sky for a second. “Ah, the hot one-nighter guy. Someone like that shouldn’t be your measuring stick for life.”

  “You sound like a fortune cookie.”

  “Fortune cookies are wise and tasty. By the way, your numbers are 2, 18, 51, and 69. I thought you’d want to hear that a sixty-nine was headed your way. I would.” He’s laughing.

  I swat his arm and Carter laughs harder. It’s an amazing sound, and I suddenly want to hear it more often. “I’m just shocked, you know? This is the last thing I expected to hear tonight.”

  “Yeah, I know what you mean.” I can tell Carter has no clue, but he’s trying so hard to be my friend. I wish he’d talk to me. Our relationship feels lopsided. He knows all this personal stuff about me, but he hasn’t told me much of anything about himself. So it surprises me when he scuffs his sneaker against the pavement and tells me the story about him and Josh. The entire time he talks, he looks at the ground. Our feet move slowly, one minuscule pace at a time, inching toward my dorm.

  When he gets to the part about his girlfriend, his voice drops an octave and his hands tense into fists. I doubt he even realizes it. “That’s when I found them together. My night class was cancelled and their three-hour sex-fest ended abruptly when I walked in on them. Evie cried and said she loved me, that she was sorry—but Josh—I don’t know.” His words taper off and we stop moving.

  Carter folds his arms across his chest and works his jaw. “She was sorry, and I think she really was, Kerry. She didn’t know how it happened. She told me that later, that it was an accident that happened over and over. But Josh always wanted what he couldn’t have. The guy’s a rich brat and his brothers are all the same. They have everything already. The only thing Josh couldn’t have was Evie—so he took her.” His voice sounds hollow, like he’s fallen down a hole.

  I touch his arm lightly. “Carter, they were both to blame.”

  He shakes his head. “Not equally. Evie always acted ashamed around me after that, like she regretted doing it, but Josh didn’t. He never apologized. He never said sorry or even acted like he shouldn’t have done it. One day, I couldn’t take it anymore.”

  “What’d you do?” The evening air is warm and still. The sound of a car door slams in the distance.

  Sweeping his inky hair out of his eyes, he looks down at me. “We fought it out. He threw the first punch, I threw the last. The dorm director took a hook to the jaw. It was meant for Josh, but the man jumped between us. We nearly got expelled because of that. The dean was pissed. Josh acted like we were brothers having a fight. The asshole even put his arm over my shoulder and faked this whole damn speech about how we had a disagreement over a girl, but it’s settled now. When the dean never followed up with us, I assumed his family must have bought our way out of trouble, and I was just lucky enough to be in tow. It’s hanging over my head, though. I know I can’t get in another fight, but Josh loves to taunt me.”

  “But won’t he get tossed too? I mean, if you can’t fight, he can’t either, right?” I look up at him, wondering how much it had to sting, wondering how he could possibly trust anyone again.

  Carter offers a lopsided smile. “The Gallub family is the single largest contributor to the university’s endowment fund. What do you think?”

  I think it’s not fair, but I can’t say that. The hurt in his voice requires a less juvenile answer, and I don’t have one.

  We stand there in the quiet for a moment, both of us looking down. Gently, he reaches over and takes my hand. “It’s been hard, and lonely. I’m not bullshitting you when I say I know how it feels. Being betrayed by your mom is a twist unique to your story, but the cheating part? The way that feels is etched into my skull in vivid detail.”

  When I glance up and find his dark eyes staring into mine. “Have you gone out with anyone since Evie?”

  Shaking his head, he tells me, “No.”

  “Oh.” Suddenly, I feel small and my stomach flips with uncertainty as Carter inches closer to me, his eyes locked on mine.

  When he speaks again, I can feel his warm breath on my lips. “I didn’t think I could take it, offering my heart to another person and having things go badly. I haven’t really talked about what happened that night with anyone, not all of it, anyway. But I feel like I can talk to you—like you might understand.”

  He’s so close, but I can’t back away, and I can’t move toward him. If I say no, or make him think I don’t care, I’ll break his heart. I know because that’s how I feel. I don’t want to trust anyone else or put my heart out there again. Add on the crap-load of stuff my Mom just told me and I want to ice out everyone. The thing is, I can’t hurt Carter, and it’s clear he’s still hurting.

  Lowering my eyes, I whisper, “I’m not ready yet.”

  Carter nods and I feel his cheek brush against mine before he backs away. “I’m glad you told me.”

  “I’m not putting you off.” Wow, I’m a liar, because that’s not it.

  Why not kiss him?

  Why not Carter?

  Is it because I’m not over Matt? Is that really the reason?

  Not exactly. I feel a connection with Carter, but it’s not what I’m looking for. Maybe I’m secretly hoping for another encounter with Mystery Man and his magical disappearing thingy? When did I become so shallow?

  Carter doesn’t let me decide. Instead, he leans in and briefly presses his lips to mine. “I believe you.” He pulls away and smiles. “No worries, Kerry. I’ll be here when you’re ready.”

  I nod slowly, not knowing what to say. I have no idea how I feel. The only thing I know for sure is that I can’t break Carter’s heart—he won’t survive.

  When he pulls open the door for me, I start to walk inside. My gaze is on the floor. I don’t glance up until a scream hits my ear as something white and feath
ery butts into my face. I screech and fall backward. Carter catches me as a fat goose tries to peck my nose off. Beth is standing in the doorway, horrified.

  “I tried to sneak it in, but they caught me, and when I tried to let it go—it freaked out.” Her little face is all scrunched up, mortified. “Kerry, I’m so sorry!”

  Seeing that I’m ok, Carter begins laughing hysterically. “You sure have a way with animals.”

  “I think they’d rather have their way with me.” I glare at the goose from a distance, as it rushes another student in the parking lot. The girl screams and runs the other way while her friends cackle.

  Chapter 5

  Beth slurps a noodle and it wriggles between her lips like a worm. I make a face and she laughs. Pointing her spoon at me she says, “A girl’s gotta practice.”

  “Beth!” She’s figured out that I’m a blushaholic. Mention sex and I turn red. It doesn’t matter where or when, it’s a surefire way to make the conversation more interesting.

  “What? I’m lonely and my brothers keep chasing off every guy I like.” She pouts and puts her spoon down before leaning her cheek on her hand.

  “Your brothers are good at that.”

  “Yeah, so since I can’t have a sex life, I need to hear about yours.” She slumps forward, pleading for sex stories I don’t have.

  I laugh and nearly snort a wonton. “There isn’t anyone.”

  With a dramatic sigh, she drops her shoulders and howls at the ceiling, “Why is it so hard to find a good man?” Her voice is way too loud.

  A woman across the restaurant laughs and says, “Amen to that!”

  I shove the rest of an eggroll in my mouth. “Beth, I’d love to get into this, but I need to get back to school and see if I can find a drape or something.”

  “Oh, that’s right.” She waggles her eyebrows at me before smoothing her white, eyelet shirt. “It’s nude model night. My little Kerry is growing up so fast!” She gushes and fake cries, before laughing.

  “Shut up,” I kick her under the table and stab another wonton.

  “You don’t have to do it, you know.” Beth uses chopsticks like a ninja. I’ve resorted to stabbing my food with one stick since Beth said we didn’t need silverware. I’m a chopstick failure.

  She doesn’t get it. Being the youngest adds a lot of hurdles, but I’m not letting them get in my way. I’ll go the extra mile and endure what I have to do to earn the respect I deserve. “Yes I do. I made a big deal out of how I could do whatever he could dish out because I’m a serious artist. Being unable to handle nudity is a sign of immaturity in the art world.” I grab my purse and put some cash on the table for my part of the meal.

  Beth cocks her head to the side and gives me a look. “No one in their right mind would hold you to that agreement. And it doesn’t mean you’re not a good artist if you don’t want the world to see your goodies. That’s bullshit.”

  “Yeah, well, it’s my bullshit and I stepped in it. I can’t back out without looking like an amateur, so I’m going to make a Grecian robe out of toilet paper or something so I’m only sorta naked.”

  “So you are trying to get out of it?” She points a chopstick at me.

  “No, wearing a drape only covers the fig leaf spot. And if I can’t find a drape, I’m laying on my stomach. I’m not showing off my goods in full, so don’t worry.”

  “Oh, I don’t worry about you at all. I’ve seen proof of how you handle yourself out there. The bus is your dream car, and this is your dream job.” She tips her head to the side like I’m being stupid.

  “Beth, just trust me on this one.”

  “A girl got gang raped the other night at the party you went to. They drugged her drink and passed her around.” My jaw drops. That could have been Emily. After they didn’t get her, they did it to someone else. Beth scoots out of the booth to stand in front of me. “I just want you to be safe. I’ve got your back, whatever you choose. If this is on the up and up in the art department, I’m with you. Give me a second to finish and I’ll go over. I can be your chaperone!”

  Smiling, I lean in and hug her. “Thank you. That means a lot to me. I’ve got too much stuff going on right now.”

  “The mother, the ex, the nude model, and more is my guess.” Beth tips her head to the side. “You’re made of strong stuff. I’m here for you, so is the J posse—also known as my jackass brothers. In case you hadn’t noticed, Jace is on the other side of that divided wall behind the plant. They’re always around, always watching.” She makes an exasperated face.

  “They care about you. Listen, I’ve got to go. It’s getting late. If I’m not there early, I won’t have time to talk Jax into the drape.”

  “You’re insane.” She slips back into her booth.

  “That’s why you love me.” I smile at her, turn on my heel, and smack into Josh.

  Taking me by the shoulders, he steadies me. “Well, hello to you, too, Other Little Sis! I hear you have naked plans for this evening.”

  “Semi-naked,” I correct him. “Teachers like Jax should come with a warning label. I’ll see you later.” I’ve been avoiding Josh since Carter told me what happened between them, and it’s becoming obvious. Beth hasn’t pressed me about it, but Josh doesn’t seem to like that I keep rushing by him.

  “I’m headed back.” He takes a sip of Beth’s soda, and fishes his keys out of his pocket. “I’ll take you.”

  I back away smiling. “No, it’s okay. I’d rather walk.”

  “Don’t be silly.” He’s grinning at me and oozing with magical charm that makes it so damn hard to tell him no. “Come on.” He doesn’t let me speak. Instead, he takes my wrist and tugs. I fall into step with him and give up.

  Beth calls out, “I want to know what happens. Come by later.”

  She waves me off and suddenly I’m out the door, alone with Josh.

  Chapter 6

  I slide onto the supple leather seat as he closes my door for me and walks around to his own door.

  After the car purrs to life, he says, “I know why you don’t like me, and I can’t blame you, but you have to realize that was two years ago.”

  I’m trying to keep all my body parts on my side of the car, but it’s so small. His arm brushes against mine when he shifts gears and floors it. He’s mad.

  Fine, so am I. “It wasn’t right.”

  “You weren’t there.”

  “No, I wasn’t, so tell me. Tell me why you stabbed your best friend in the back? Tell me if she was worth it, because I don’t see her with you now.”

  He glares at me for half a beat. “I don’t owe you an explanation, and I’m not going to feel sorry for a mistake I made two years ago. That’s ludicrous. Should I hold you to something you did two years ago?”

  “Yes, it says something about a person.”

  He pulls up to a traffic light and stops abruptly, letting out a harsh laugh. “So there’s no forgiveness from you? No growth? It’s insane to judge someone for something they did before you even met them!”

  He shoves his hands through his hair and shakes his head. I can tell my opinion matters to him, but then he goes and says dumbass things that make me think he hates me. If that were true, he wouldn’t have offered to drive me back to school. He would have waited and made a fool out of me at the most convenient time. With information pumped from Beth and Chelsey, the roommate from hell, Josh could ruin my entire college existence. He worries me.

  There’s a patch of silence while we sit at a light. Josh won’t look at me. He just clutches the wheel tighter and tighter.

  I don’t say it to be an ass, I say it because it’s true. “What I think shouldn’t matter to you, Josh. I’m nobody. I have no money, I don’t run with your crowd, plus I’m the new girl.” It’s the trifecta of lameness at a private college where each kid gets a swank car and an allowance from their parents. I’m lucky to even be here. I don’t fit and it would be easy to turn the few friends I’ve made. “I don’t understand you. Carter’s my friend
. How do you expect me to act like it never happened? Your past is screwing up my present. Otherwise, you’d be right, and it wouldn’t matter, but for that reason it does. You’re my best friend’s brother and my other best friend’s nemesis. Anyway, it shouldn’t matter what I think.”

  The light changes and he floors it. Anger flashes in his eyes, as if I don’t understand him at all. “But it does matter. You’re always with Beth. I see you every day and the condescension in your eyes is unbearable. I can’t take it anymore, and you have no right. I’m not the same guy anymore.” He glances over at me as he pulls into a parking space.

  I reach for the door, but I don’t open it. I don’t know what to say. It seems wrong to hold someone to a mistake they made, but there’s a reason why I can’t forgive him—it’s because of Carter. “You’re right, it’s none of my business and that was years ago, but Carter still hurts because of what you did. Telling him you’re sorry would go a long way.”

  Josh stares at me. “Are you kidding?” His mouth twitches like he doesn’t know if he should laugh or scream. This one has a temper under all that charm. He tries to quench the embers, but they don’t go out. They’re always there, burning, waiting to erupt. “I don’t owe him a fucking thing.” His words are too sharp, too much like scolding.

  I kick the door open and get out. Before I close it, I lean down and repeat. “This isn’t my fight, but Carter is my friend. I thought you were, too. I guess I was wrong about that.” I slam the door and walk away.

  Josh doesn’t follow after me, not that I expected him to, he’s too proud for that. I did expect him to peel out and fly away in his race car, but he doesn’t. He sits very still and watches me until I disappear into the building.