Secrets: The Complete Collection Read online

  Cole’s expression doesn’t change—his intense gaze darkens, his lips part. There is no smile on his face. Not anymore. Something changed, a moment of flirtation that crossed a line. We both know it. Cole’s grip on my wrists tightens; his eyes are still locked on mine. His taller frame allows him to pull me slightly, stretching my body. My breasts push into his chest harder. I gasp, wishing, wanting something that I can’t quiet comprehend. Every inch of my skin feels cold and hot at the same time. Cole’s lips are just above mine. I want him to pull us together, and nip me, taste my kiss, and then do it all again.

  Cole’s body is tense, every muscle perfectly formed. His ribs expand as he tries to steady his breath. I can feel his heart pounding when he tugs me. The movement makes him lay flat against my chest. His eyes are so dark.

  He whispers, “Hell, yes. Beg for it, Anna. Beg me…” His lips are so close to mine, but he won’t kiss me. I wriggle beneath him, trying to close the distance, but he won’t let me.

  Before either of us can say another word the chime from the front door sounds. We split apart. Cole springs to his feet, rubbing his hands through his hair. His back is to me as he leaves the room to let the repair guy in. I can’t read the expression on his face, but the way he moves, the way his broad shoulders slant as he walks away—it looks like regret.

  My stomach falls. I wonder if he regrets not kissing me, or regrets being in that position with me at all. I’ll never ask him.

  CHAPTER 3

  When Cole returns, I’m working at my desk. I glance at him out of the corner of my eye. He doesn’t notice. When he sits down he acts the way he did before our roll on the floor. My stomach is twisting in knots. Looking at him makes me want to touch him, his beautiful face, his silky hair, so I turn back to my computer. The screen glows in front of me. I edit pictures until I can’t see anymore. The world has turned blurry, and my eyes sting. Cole tells me to leave several times, but I won’t. The work isn’t done yet, and in truth, I don’t want to leave him. I want to see if there’s more there. If he’ll take me in his arms when the last photo is edited, and the computers are shut off. But, he doesn’t.

  We speak to each other like good friends and nothing more. I’ve become accustomed to his voice, the intensity of his gaze. Passion burns within him in a way that I couldn’t have imagined. When we finally get through with work, we ride the elevator down to the lobby together. It’s past midnight. I cancelled my break-up dinner with Edward to finish working. That was the only good that came out of staying late.

  Cole is leaning against the metal rail in the elevator. His eyes are on the side of my face. I have my head tipped back against the wall, tilted up, eyes closed. Every muscle in my body aches. Between the heat and the number of hours I’ve been awake, I can barely stand. The thought of walking and then taking multiple trains home clouds my thoughts.

  Finally he breaks the silence, “You shouldn’t go home tonight.” His words sink into me. I wonder if I’m hallucinating when I open my eyes and look at him. He’s staring straight at me, acting like he just said something completely reasonable.

  I know what he means, but I smile and say faintly, “Yeah Cole? Where should I go?” I shift my weight to the other foot. I can’t look at him. I don’t want any of the hope that’s filling my chest. It’s telling me that he wants me, that he likes me, that he’ll act on it. I beat it down, and stuff it into a closet at the back of my mind.

  He leans an arm above me. Tilting my face up to see his, he says, “Come home with me. I can tell you’re exhausted—”

  I stare at him. My heart is pounding. I can’t tell what he’s thinking, what he’s offering. I play it safe. Shaking my head, I say, “It’s okay. The subway isn’t too far and I’ll be home in less than an hour—“

  His hand cups my cheek, “My place is less than ten minutes from here. Think about it. In fifteen minutes you could be in a hot shower, in thirty you could be relaxing with your feet up.” He reaches for a strand of hair and tucks it behind my ear. “Come on, Lamore. I can’t turn you loose on the streets. What if someone molests you?”

  Lamore. He put that distance there, like we’re buds—but he’s tucking hair behind my ear and standing too close for that. I don’t understand what he’s doing. It’s like he wants me, but hasn’t committed to the idea yet.

  My voice is light, “Oh, and you won’t?” I laugh, but it sounds hollow. I tell myself it’s because I’m tired. It has nothing to do with making bad decisions based on libido in an elevator.

  He leans closer, his lips nearly brushing mine. When he speaks, his warm breath slips across my mouth, “Not unless you want me to—”

  Our eyes lock. It’s the first time either of us has said anything, made any indication that… that what, Anna? My inner nun is beating me over the head with a ruler. He’s too old. He’s too wild. He’s nothing I want, nothing I need. Cole Stevens is chocolate-covered sin and I need someone steady, like fiber. My mind flashes to Edward, to vanilla, good old reliable Edward.

  I smile softly at him and lean my head back against the wall. “I can’t,” I hear myself say. “I have to get home and pack. We’re supposed to leave for Long Island tomorrow and I haven’t packed a thing. And there’s something else I have to do. It’s important.” I’m biting my lower lip. His eyes fixate on the movement.

  Cole nods, saying, “I see.” Stepping back, he slides his hands into his pockets.

  I realize that it sounds like I’m blowing him off. I reach out and touch his shoulder. He looks down at me more cautiously than before, “Cole, I really have to do something. I need to break up with my boyfriend. I can’t leave for three months and lead him on. I was supposed to do it tonight.” I’m staring into his eyes, thinking but I want to stay with you and here you are offering and I’m saying no. What the hell is wrong with me?

  “I was just offering you a bed for the night,” he says, like he meant nothing—like I mean nothing. The elevator chimes that we are on the ground floor. The doors slide open and save Cole from getting slapped. I want to scream at him. I want him to stop playing and tell me what he thinks, but he strides away. When we exit the building I grab his arm. He stops and looks at me.

  “Tell me what you want.” There. I said it. Point blank. My heart is slamming into my ribs and I feel like I can’t breathe.

  He nods, smiling, and continues to walk toward a black car parked at the curb. I follow. Emotions are flowing through me in a maddening rush. I don’t know exactly what I want from him or what I expect him to say, and when he responds I can hear the darkness in his voice warning me away, “Miss Vanilla, you shouldn’t say things like that to me. You won’t like where they lead you.”

  By the time he pulls the car door open, he’s back to being carefree happy Cole. He looks apathetic, like he doesn’t care about me one way or another, but his eyes tell another story. His eyes are nearly twenty years older than mine, and have seen things mine will never see. It’s like the speck of soul that shines through has been snuffed out and replaced with a Cole that knows the world and knows there’s no future for us. My stomach falls into my shoes. I don’t like that world.

  Before he slides into the car, he looks at me and says, “Last chance.” The way he looks at me makes it clear that this is an invitation to his bed, not his home.

  Something about the way he says it sounds like a one-night-stand. While Cole might be insanely hot, I’m not that kind of girl. I shake my head. My voice is soft, “I don’t do one-nighters. Sorry.” Before he can say anything else, I turn on my heel and walk away.

  CHAPTER 4

  The sun spills into the room. I cover my face with a pillow. I want to go back to sleep, but I can’t stop thinking about Cole. Miss Vanilla. Ha! If he only knew. I breathe deeply and finally decide to get up. It’s a little after six in the morning. I hear Emma in the kitchen. When I emerge I see her dressed in work clothes, sipping a cup of coffee.

  “Hey,” I say rather groggily.

  “Well, look who�
��s home. Edward was looking for you.”

  I nod, “Yeah, I had to work late last night.” She glances at me over the rim of her cup. “I told him to come by in a couple of hours.”

  “So, the new boss is a pain in the ass?”

  I shrug, “Maybe a little.” I take a cup and fill it with coffee. I feel her eyes on my back while I do it and I start to wonder what she’s thinking. “Why do you ask?”

  “Oh, I don’t know.” She tears a piece of toast in half and offers me a piece of her breakfast. I take it. “He has you working odd hours, is dragging you out to the Island again, and I’m not going to see you for the rest of the summer. He’s a pain in the ass, Anna.” She’s laughing, as she turns and puts her empty mug in the sink. Glancing in the mirror, she checks her make-up and heads for the door. She shouts, “Check in once in a while so I know you’re safe. Your boss gives me the creeps.”

  “Sure,” I reply and the door slams shut. I’m staring at her toast. Something bothers me, something she said, but I don’t know what.

  Ignoring the sensation, I jump in the shower. I take my time getting dressed and then pack. When I pull open my negligée drawer, I wonder if I should take anything. What Cole suggested last night killed me. A one-night stand. I slam the drawer shut. There is no way I’m sleeping with him. Whatever I thought happened, didn’t. It is that simple. He sees me as a tryst and nothing more.

  The doorbell rings, and breaks my thoughts. I walk toward the door telling myself that this is necessary, but when I yank open the door, Edward is standing there with a huge bouquet of yellow roses. My mouth opens into a little O and I can’t talk. I feel like scum. He hands me the flowers. I smile at him sadly, but he mistakes my emotion as something good.

  “Hey, baby,” he kisses my cheek and pushes past me into the apartment. “I remember you saying you love yellow roses, and well, I thought since you were going away for a while, that you could take them with you to remember me by.”

  Gazing at the flowers, I say, “Edward… these are lovely. Thank you, but—”

  He turns and looks back at me. Taking the flowers from my hands, he places them on top of my suitcase in the hallway, before reaching for me. He slides his arms around my waist and pulls me to him. I feel like I’m hugging an eel. I can’t muster the strength to pretend anymore. This relationship has run its course and I want out.

  He smiles huge, and turns, saying, “Emma has a vase here. She said you could take it with you…”

  “Edward, stop.” But he doesn’t. He’s smiling like he’s happy, totally ignoring that my mood doesn’t match his. I push away from him, but he’s walking away from me to get the vase. I follow him into the kitchen. “Please stop. I need to tell you something,” my voice is too loud, too curt.

  He straightens and turns to look at me. His eyes sweep over me and he shakes his head like he’s missed something, “Oh, I’m sorry babe. I didn’t see it before. You’re all shaken up because you’re going to miss me.” Reaching for me, he takes my hands in his and says, “I love you, babe. It won’t be that long. We can—”

  I cut him off, “This isn’t working out.” I blurt it out while tugging my hands away. The way he came through the door and continues to speak makes it very hard for me to say anything. I realize that he keeps doing this to me—when I try to talk, he talks over me. It’s like he’s trying to control the relationship and keep it from ending. But after I’ve yelled at him, I think I’m wrong. Edward looks like I’ve hit him with a frying pan.

  I sound apologetic, “I really like you, but I just think we’re a mismatch. We’re too alike in some ways, and not enough in others. In the long run, we’ll both be sorry for it. I can’t do that to you. I think we need to take some time to—”

  “See other people. Sure, why not?” He shrugs, sounding angry. His fingers ball into fists and he turns like he wants to punch the wall, but he doesn’t. Instead he takes a deep breath and tries to shake off the rage building inside of him. I’ve never seen him so angry. I never thought he had it in him.

  Holding his head high, he turns back to me, “Just tell me why.”

  “I did,” I say. I feel nervous now and I don’t know why. Something about him makes me step away, “We won’t make each other happy. You’re vanilla, Edward, and I’m sticky. You said so yourself—”

  He steps toward me, hands out, “Baby, I said I could change that for you. I could—”

  “No, you can’t. You can’t change who you are, what you want, what turns you on. We’re not the same, Edward. We never will be. It just wasn’t meant to be.” He stands there silently, looking completely shocked. “I’m sorry,” I say.

  Edward nods, but says nothing as he heads toward the door. I feel horrible. The tightness in my throat is making it impossible to swallow. I want to say something to him, comfort him, but that will only make it worse.

  Before he pulls the door open, he turns and looks at me, “We could have been great, you know. You could have learned to like the way I love you.”

  I stare at him for a moment, and then say, “But I want more that…”

  He glances up at me, “So, there’s someone else?”

  Hell no, there is not someone else. I feel the retort bubbling inside of me, but I shake my head and say, “No. I’m not seeing anyone else. I’m not sleeping with anyone else. It’s been me and you this whole time and we haven’t had sex once. Every time I’m with you, I feel like you don’t want me, that I’m not good enough for you.” I am scared to tell him how much more I want, how much more I need. He doesn’t know, but I think he suspects. “I can’t do it anymore. I’ve had this relationship before. It doesn’t end well.”

  He blinks slowly. The sadness fades from his eyes. His gaze meets mine and he says, “I love you, Anna. I always will.”

  “Then let me go.”

  CHAPTER 5

  By the time I’m driving East on my bike, I’m in a horrible mood. Edward wouldn’t take no for an answer. He is convinced that we belong together, that destiny will reunite us. I ended up being harsher than I wanted. I took his beautiful roses, shoved them back into his arms, and pushed him out the door. I literally threw him out. He gave me his love and I tossed him out like trash.

  I wish there was traffic, something to distract me during the drive, but the roads are fairly empty. When l I hit the end of the highway and it turns into rural roads, it’s barren. There isn’t another vehicle in sight.

  I follow Cole’s directions and stop at a beach-front home that has been converted into his studio. Outside there is the Le Femme sign, but the colors are different—hot pink and black. His New York City studio is pale blue and gray. I wonder why this one is different, but don’t pay it much attention. Different locations can have different colors. Besides, what do I know? Le Femme is his business, not mine, and if he thinks it makes sense to rebrand his studio, that has nothing to do with me.

  Parking the bike on the side of the house, I get off and stretch. The air is balmy and warm. The sound of the ocean fills my ears. Seeing Cole after this morning’s event with Edward is too much. My emotions are in overdrive and I can’t contain them. It feels like my eyes will betray me and gush tears at any moment.

  No, I can’t see Cole. Not yet. So, I set my helmet on the bike and walk toward the water. The sound of the ocean lapping into the shore calms me. Cole is so lucky to have this place. I’d live here year-round if I had a place like this. It is isolated, but part of a smaller town outside of the Hamptons hamlet, or whatever you call them. Townships? Anyway, it is perfect. The town itself feels like a piece of Americana New England. It is picturesque. Add in the house and it’s a dream. I sit down on the sand, and watch the waves crash into the shore. The wind whips my hair, separating tiny strands that float on their own. My mind clears after a few moments and I feel a little better.

  “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” his voice flows over my shoulder, sending a chill down my spine. I turn, sucking in a deep breath. Cole’s staring at the surf like
there might be mermaids in there.

  “Sublimely so,” I answer softly. I wonder how Cole can act like nothing happened last night, but he does. It makes me wonder if I misread him, if he was really just offering me a guest room.

  “Ah, and that’s the most bewitching kind of beauty. Isn’t it?” Cole is standing barefoot a few paces from me.

  He offers his hand, but I don’t take it. “Come on, Lamore. Let me show you around.” He puts his hands back in his pockets and gazes at the ocean once more before turning back toward the house. He walks away from me before I can get up. I jump up and follow him inside.

  The exterior of the studio looks like a little a Cape Cod style house complete with gray shingles and white trim. It’s perfect. We pass through glass sliding doors that lead to the beach.

  Cole says, “The studio has several rooms. There is a guest section with full bedding. Each room has a private bath.” And it does. As we peek in the empty rooms, Cole shows me the upscale finishes with marble tiles and white fixtures. It’s so soft and feminine. I wish I had a bathroom like this. It’s completely perfect. Cole forgot nothing.

  He looks down at me and says, “The staff gets these two rooms, and the others are for clients who need to stay overnight. Some will want to fly in or need the session in the evening. The assistant will oversee all this, so you don’t have to worry about it.” Before I can ask anything, he’s walking again. I stop gazing at the room and follow him.

  Cole leads me into a room that still smells of paint, “This is the shooting room. The electricians fell behind, so it isn’t ready yet. That slows things down a little bit. The lights will be there and there. Additional units can be placed at these intervals.” He shows me the room, and is talking layout, but I don’t understand what he’s shooting.